


You Think I Didn't Know?

by vethbernatto



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Rich and Jermey are adoptive siblings, They're like... 25, Trans Rich Goranski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-03 04:46:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12741273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vethbernatto/pseuds/vethbernatto
Summary: “You know… I find it absolutely hilarious, that you think you're hiding it from me.”





	1. Chapter 1

“You know… I find it absolutely  _ hilarious, _ that you think you're hiding it from me.”

 

He groaned softly rolled over in his shared bed to face the back of his boyfriend.

 

“What are you talking about?” He mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

 

He scoffed and moved to pull a tee shirt over his chest.

 

“Do  _ not,  _ play dumb with me Jakob.”

 

Jake brought a hand up to scrub the sleep from his eyes.

 

“What are you getting dressed for at,” he hesitated, as he looked over at the alarm clock on the nightstand beside his bed. “Four in the morning? Richie what are you doing up?”

 

“What am I doing up at four in the morning. What I'm doing up at four in the morning Jakob is finding, oh the seven  _ empty _ , vodka bottles stuffed in the bottom of the trash, and the twenty  _ empty,  _ beer cans in the back of the closet,  _ and  _ the three bottles of rum hidden under the bathroom sink. You want to know, what I'm doing up…” Rich's voice died in his throat as he tried to hide the tears. “I'm leaving. An I don't want to. God Jake, I don't want to but… I can't— I  _ won't,  _ go through this again.”

 

Jake sat up. Frightened. Angery. Ashamed.

 

“Rich… I—”

 

“Don't. Please don't make this any harder for me, Jakey… You don't know how  _ hard,  _ this is for me. You don't know, how much this  _ hurts  _ me.” Jake could see him, wiping tears from his eyes. “But I can't do this again, not when— You need help, and… and I can't be the one to give it to you. And I know that. Jake, I love you so  _ fucking  _ much, but…” 

 

Jake's voice was broken, and soft, as though he were trying to hide.

 

“Rich… please.” 

 

Jake watched as Rich shook his head and wiped more tears from his cheeks.

 

“Jeremy will be here soon. I… Get help. Jake… if you can get help, then I can come back but… I can't be that help. As much as I would love to— I can't and I'm so sorry for that.”

 

And through the pain, Jake smiled. Broken, and defeated. Yet, it was still a smile.

 

“I-It's okay. I'm sorry.”

 

Rich’s screen lit up from the dresser across from from him.

 

Rich gasped quietly, before be turned to face Jake for the first time, taking in the pained, and knowing look in Jake’s eyes, closing his own as he was pressing a shaky, saddened kiss to Jake's lips. And yet, all too quick, and all to long, Rich pulled away and leant his forehead against Jake's.

 

“Please get better.” It was barely there, barely above a whisper. “If not for me… then do it for— it's all in the letter. Just read the letter.”

 

Rich pulled away, turning to stand up before pausing.

 

“I love you.”

 

Rich let out a sob, standing up, grabbing his phone and rushing from the bedroom, Jake sitting still and numb as he  head the front door close behind him.

* * *

 

  
_ Dear Jake, _

 

_ I've known for a while now. _

 

_ I started having my suspensions during high school, but I thought maybe, it was just because you were in high school. _

 

_ And about eight months ago, I found the bottles in your nightstand. _

 

_ I tried to help. _

 

_ I dumped out bottle, after bottle. _

 

_ I hid your ID’s. _

 

_ I went so far as to even go to bars and liquor stores and give them photos of you and told them not to sell anything to you. _

 

_ And yet… you still found a way around it. _

 

_ And, I might have been able to help you if I hadn't found out. _

 

_ If it didn't happen. _

 

_ But it did. _

 

_ And I won't let that happen. _

 

_ Jake… I'm pregnant. _

 

_ And I won't let anybody grow up like I did. _

 

_ I don't want to leave, but I have to. _

 

_ And I  _ _ will  _ _ come back if you get help. _

 

_ If you can sober up, then yes. I will come back Jake.  _

 

_ God I love you so fucking much. _

 

_ I'm sorry. _

 

_ I'm sorry for hurting you. _

 

_ I love you, _

 

_ Rich _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made it happier okay?

**_Jake_ **

I hope you know that I'm

trying.]]

I'm trying Richie, I really

am]]

A month]]

I miss you]]

I fuxing hate yoi so mjch

why wiudk tou do tjis to me

i hate tiu so mucj]]

I slipped and im sorry.

im so sorry]]

_**Rich** _

**Draft**

[[i miss you

**Draft**

[[im so sorry

two months. i love

you]]

i miss you…]]

**Draft**

[[i need you.

**Draft**

[[i cant do this alone

four months. happy

anniversary]]

**Draft**

[[happy anniversary

 

six months. i really

am trying richie.]]

Merilyn. her name is

[[merilyn.

 

“Merilyn Dillinger.”

“Rich are you sure?”

“He's going to get better. I know it.”

 

i love you richie.

i really really love

you]]

**Draft**

jake you are so

wonderful and

amazing and it is

so hard to do this

without you.

[[please get better

nine months. i hope

you are doing okay.

and merilyn]]

she knows all about

her dad, dont worry

jake. she will always

[[know about you.

“Jake?”

“Im sorry, Richie. But im better now.”

“I know.”

“Will you take me back?”

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hnnn, I should be writing something else but I've had his idea for... A long while and I finally wrote it so....
> 
> yell at me on tumblr  
> [main](http://callme-jakey.tumblr.com/)   
> [bmc side](https://transjakobdillinger.tumblr.com/)


End file.
